anyone other than me
i don’t need to be anyone other than me
and you help me be a better me
. . . . .
Within the constant wrestling and wandering of my mind I often forget that I don’t need to be anyone other than who I am.
And I often forget who I am.
My mind effortlessly tells me all the things I know aren’t true, but still work their way into my thoughts:
And the top hit for the twenty-something year in a row:
You are unwanted.
That’s the one that cuts deeper than the others.
I forget who I am.
Or maybe I grow weary of who I have become or of who I am becoming.
I know that I don’t need to be anyone other than me,
but sometimes I forget how to be me.
Recently, I’ve realized I am great at playing the comparison game.
Maybe you play this game, too.
It’s a terrible game, isn’t it?
It’s a game I have yet to win, but also a game that has helped me see that I cannot do this life alone.
I need walls of people to stand around me and remind me of the truth.
Sometimes all they have to do is send a text, other times they have to yell it through the phone, or make deep eye contact that lasts too long, but somehow, not long enough.
I think we all need trusted voices to speak honest words of love deep into our lives.
I’ve surrounded myself with a group of friends who have complete permission to speak freely into my life.
Except they aren’t allowed to tell me if I’ve gained weight.
That one is off limits.
And that will just transport me back to sixth-grade and I don’t need to go back there.
No one needs to go back there.
Sometimes they say things I don’t want to hear.
Other times they say things I didn’t know were true.
But often they say what I am desperate to hear.
They remind me of who I am.
More importantly, they remind me of Whose I am.